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Mia and Me - Episode 115/Transcript is a stub! This article has very little content. Please do what you can to expand and improve it!
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Season 1 Episode 15 - Miss Know-It-All
Mia: "Paisley grass", "griffin flu", how would I know that stuff?
Onchao neighs
Mia: Polytheus?
Polytheus: Ah, it's you! Welcome to my humble shop. Crazy Polytheus' cavalcade of curious collectibles, ha!
Polytheus: And hello again to you, little unicorn friend.
Mia: What are you doing here?
Polytheus: Why, selling antiques! Doodads, novelties and all matter of filigreed flippery. To only the most discerning customers, of course.
Mia: And anyone dumb enough to trust you.
Polytheus: Oh, my dear, I am deeply offended. Then I pressume you wouldn't be interested in this rare, exquisite object, eh?
Polytheus: It's a tell-all lantern! But if you don't trust me, that's fine...
Mia: What's a tell-all lantern?
Polytheus: This little wonder of the world can answer any question of its owner.
Onchao snorts
Mia: Onchao, stop.
Polytheus: Here's my proposal: because I like you, I offer you a "try before you buy" plan! You become the lantern's rightful owner until sundown, at which time you either pay for it or you give it back.
Mia: What's the catch?
Polytheus: No catch, I swear on the iridescent _____
Mia: What's an iridescent _____?
Polytheus: I don't know, I just made it up. With one of these, you'd know that.
Polytheus: I hereby transfer ownership to you.
Polytheus: You shall not be disappointed.
Polytheus: Remember, you have only until sundown!
Polytheus chuckles
Mia: I really need your help. I'm sick of looking dumb.
Mo: There's not one blade of paisley grass anywhere around here.
Yuko: This is taking so long, we could have planted some and had it grow by now. So, where else do we look?
Mia: Try the... Diablo Backwoods.
Yuko: Pretty doubtful. And how would you know about the Diablo Backwoods?
Mia: I do know some things...
Yuko: Hey! Where'd you get the lantern?
Mia: Oh, just picked it down by the beach. It could come in handy. We always seem to wind up someplace dark.
Onchao snorts
Mo: Alright, we'll try the Diablo Backwoods. There can't be any less paisley grass there.
Mia: Great!
Mo: Um, it's that way.
Mia: Oh, uh, I knew that. I just thought we'd take the scenic route.
Polytheus laughs
Polytheus: My client will be pleased.
Panthea: Here you go, Ziggo. A gourmet food for you.
Ziggo growls
Panthea: Precisely how I feel when I don't get what I want.
Polytheus laughs off-screen
Polytheus: Greetings, Panthea.
Panthea: I don't like it when you do that. Why can't you come out the gate like a normal person?
Polytheus: But I bring good news, your majesty.
Polytheus: Your trap is planted.
Panthea: Oh. Well, then. Your surprise visit is most welcome.
Polytheus: I almost feel guilty asking to be paid for such a simple deception...
Polytheus: Except that I never feel guilty about being paid for anything!
Panthea: Gargona already paid you!
Polytheus: That was the purchase price of that creature and the customised lamp to keep it in.
Gargona: Well, actually...
Gargona's voice is muffled
Polytheus: I have not been paid for the effort of luring that elf and her little... single-horned friend into your trap.
Panthea: Ugh, take it, then.
Polytheus: Ooh! Excellent.
Polytheus laughs
Polytheus: Oh, and be sure to tell your friends: half-off magic mirrors every Tuesday! Ta-ta!
Panthea: I'm never completely sure he's gone...
Panthea: Now, then, Gargona. Polytheus did his part so you better not mess up yours.
Gargona: I give you my word, the prey won't escape our trap this time!
Ziggo meows
Panthea: There, there, Ziggo. The nasty snake man is gone.
Onchao neighs
Mia: Paisley grass, I presume.
Mo: Woo! Wow!
Yuko: Awesome guess that it'd be here!
Mia: Um, thanks.
Mia: Sure is nice to be the one with the answers for a change. Don't give me that look.
Onchao snorts.
Mia: I know what you're thinking. It's not like I'm hurting anyone. We never would have found this grass without... (beat)
Mia gasps
Mia: Wait. If it helped us find this grass, I wonder if...
Mia, whispering: Where can I find a piece of the trumptus?
The tell-all lantern whispers unintelligibly.
Mia: I figured out the oracle! The trumptus piece is in the ____ badlands.
Yuko: Didn't the oracle say, "where the young one plays"? Who plays in the badlands?
Mo: We gotta get this paisley grass back to the queen, she's waiting for us!
Mia: It's a piece of the trumptus, she'll understand.
Mo whistles Mo: Mia, Yuko! Dragons.
Dragons growl
Mo: We're safer on foot.
Yuko: Scary... Not scary... Could the choice be any easier?
Mo: That's what scares me.
Yuko: What, is this way dangerous?
The Tell-all lantern whispers
Mia: Pitfalls, snares, cages. This road is full of them.
Yuko: And you know this, how? Your long experience as a... tracker?
Mia: Ugh.
Mia grunts
Mo: Wow. That's a no-go.
Mo: Good call, Mia.
Yuko: How did you know about all this?
Mia: I pick things up here and there.
Onchao snorts
Yuko: Why do you keep looking at that old lantern?
Gargona, off-screen: Yes!
Mo: Gargona!
Gargona: Why don't you tell them the truth?
Onchao neighs
Yuko: We're not scared of you.
Mo: Yeah, bring it on!
Onchao neighs
Mia: Onchao! Let him go!
Mo and Yuko yelp, then grunt
Mia grunts
Gargona laughs
Gargona: What have we here? Your lovely antique treasure has betrayed you.
Mo: It's a Flibber-Nate?!
Mia: A Flibber-Nate?
Yuko: They lie to their owners! Trick 'em and get 'em in trouble.
Mia: But it told the truth about the traps and the paisley grass.
Yuko: No, wait. We asked those questions, not you. A Flibber-Nate only lies to its owner.
Gargona: I knew sooner or later you'd ask it to lead you to something, whatever you elves look for. And I made sure the lantern had an answer ready.
Yuko: Mia, if you had told us the truth about that lantern, we could have warned you.
Mia: I... I just didn't wanna look dumb. I'm so sorry.
Gargona: Oh, don't be glum. You'll love Panthea's dungeon. Fewer rats than you'd expect.
Mia: Great, the end of a perfect day
Flabber-nate mumbles
Mia: Oh, be quiet!
Mia: Wait a second. Polytheus only loaned me the lantern until sundown.
Mia: Gargona's the Flibber-nate's actual owner! Yuko, you said that the Flibber-nate would only lie to its owner, right?
Yuko: Yeah, so?
Mia: So Gargona probably doesn't know that Polytheus only let me try out the lantern. Maybe she still thinks I own it. I have an idea! If we could just get out of these ropes... Wait a second!
Mo: Nice! I'm so glad girls like to keep souvenirs.
Mo: Let go of me, you ugly spawn of a sea serpent!
Yuko: It would have to be a whole lot better looking to make it to ugly.
Mo and Yuko grunt
Gargona: Panthea will be most pleased to get her hands on this unicorn.
Onchao neighs
Mia: Ha ha ha, as if. We'll be the ones laughing when the elf army gets here.
Gargona: Foolish girl. Still listening to your Flibber-nate lantern?
Mia: Why don't you ask it? It only lies to me, right?
Gargona: Insolent one, don't try to bluff me!
Gargona: Is there an elf army nearby?
The Flibber-nate whispers
Gargona: How large?
The Flibber-nate whispers
Gargona: Large enough to defeat us?
Mo: You lose, Gargona!
Gargona: Oh, yeah? They'll have to catch us, first! Sound the retreat!
Trumpets play
Gargona: Oh, fools, don't just run away! Bring the unicorn!
Gargona: That unicorn is priceless. Panthea will kill us all if we return without it!
Gargona: Ha ha ha!
Mia: No! Stop!
Mo: Water glares!
Gargona: Blasted elf!
Gargona: Ah!
Onchao neighs
Gargona screams
Yuko: Phew! I've never flown so fast in my life! Can we just take a break?
Mo: We have to get the paisley grass back to the palace or the queen will have my wings on a platter! Let's go!
Mia: Come on, Onchao, you can play later.
Onchao snorts, Mia gasps
Mia: "Seek the ferns..."
Mo and Yuko: "... where the young one plays!"
Mia: Duh! Onchao's the young one.
Mia: And here's the trumptus piece!
More coming soon...